Dear Dickheads – January 2005


Dear Dickheads,

I guess I’m a hipster. I have black rock t-shirts, thick black sunglasses and jeans that actually fit. I have a bunch of local Emo/indie rock albums such as The New Transit Direction, Form of Rocket, The Wolfs, Starmy, Tolchock Trio,Redd Tape, Red Bennies, Thunderfist, Day of Less, LPMR and a bunch of other national acts such as Sparta, Rival Schools, The Used, Blink 182, etc. Not only that, but I go hang out and watch bands play at a variety of clubs across the valley and I hang out with alot of people in the bands. Who cares, right? As of lately, I’ve been under fire from a variety of people saying that I’m a hipster and I guess that’s not cool. I’ve even seen a shirt advertised on Yahoo that says, “Die Hipsters Die” and it’s being worn by a dude who looks pretty damn close to a hipster himself! I mean what the hell? Is it so bad that I go support local bands? That my jeans actually fit and aren’t about to fall off? That I listen to bands who can actually sing with real emotion?

I remember that going to shows at Kilby, Todd’s, The Urban, etc., and buying bands T-shirts and CD’s was a cool thing. When the hell did this suddenly become un-cool? Now everyone asks me, “Why are you so Emo?” Maybe it’s just the people here in Salt Lake City. You fuckers have to put a label on everything. If you go to a real city, you’ll find that there are people like me everywhere and they aren’t classified into some stupid stereotype.
I’d rather be a hipster anyday then be some jack fucker who dresses up in a suit and goes to church every Sunday. Or maybe some jock who still cruises state street to try and meet chicks. Grow the fuck up, people. If you want to sit home in front of your TV every night, then that’s fine with me. I for one will keep going to shows, keep buying bands CD’s and T-shirts and hanging out with my friends–and if I am going to be classified as a hipster for doing so, then so fucking be it.


If my only options in life were to be a suit-wearing Mormon, a jock, or you, I think I’d go ahead and pogo stick jump on a pitchfork until it rammed far enough up my ass to kill me. The really pathetic thing is that the amount of time, effort and money you spend to make yourself “cool” in the eyes of others would be plenty to make any normal person actually cool, but you’re so far off the mark I can only cringe at the thought of how lame you would be if you DIDN’T try so hard. Get a clue. Or a pitchfork. 


Dear Dickheads,
Just below the surface of the mormon dense fog that shrouds us all, is a Horrifing yet wonderful thing called Horror Punk/rock. although there are no 80 dollar haircuts, Capri pants, bullet belts or mullets, to be found there is something even better.. Monster masks and Fake Blood, Spider, Zombies ,ghouls and fiends O mY!… sweet, dont you think?..and what better place than slug to announce the take over. The “dye” has been cast, The mosters rise tonite. all hail the days of ole’ Misfits..cramps and the Damned, in comes the new, The Abominations, diemonsterdie,Fuse and Left for Dead..We want Blood, and Rock! look out here we come!
~shane diablo


Announce the takeover? The takeover of what? A sector seven dungeon master level? You fucking gothic nerds never quit, do you? Why can’t you idiots ever pull your asses out of your dark, sorrowful underworlds and step into the fucking real one? You can play dress up all you want but leave me and anyone who can interact with other people without Magic cards out of it.