Dear Dickheads – November 2009
A few weekends ago I was hosting a party at my house. I’ve done this sort of thing in the past and it’s always kind of expected that the cops will show up. Usually when this happens, all the under-agers bail, the unwanted d-bags clear out, the cops politely tell us to “keep it down” and everyone worth hanging out is left to finish off the extra keg that we were storing in the backyard. It’s a ritual I’ve gotten pretty used to during my days of throwing house parties. Needless to say, at this last party, the cops came. Instead of simply telling us to “keep it down” like they usually do, the pigs issued me a “service fee” for having to drive down and tell us to keep it down. What the fuck? A fucking service fee for having some fun? Bullshit! It’s not my fault that the hag down the street with 20 cats doesn’t remember what it’s like to be young. It’s not like the party was happening on a Tuesday night at 3 a.m. It was a fucking Saturday night and cops were at my door by 12:30. I don’t know about you guys, but this sort of behavior seems like it ought to be illegal.
Dear Robbie Johnson,
My sympathy goes out to you Robbie, about 99 percent of SLUG readers, and the U of U’s Greek row. On Sept. 22, the Salt Lake City Council unanimously voted to adopt an ordinance that allows officers to cite the hosts of events deemed “too noisy” without a first warning. The City defines a noise disturbance as “any sound which annoys or disturbs reasonable persons with normal sensitivities, or which injures or endangers the comfort, repose, health, hearing, peace and safety of other persons.”
So basically, that ol’ hag down the street’s got the upper hand on you now. I’m not just talking about your kind of debauchery either, Robbie. Is your mom’s late-night wine and cheese shindig reminding the ol’ cat lady what cheese does to her BMs? One call, that’s all. How ‘bout your little brother’s batman-themed birthday sleepover? If the ol’ cat lady hates kids, joke’s on you! Of course, we’re all to blame for our plight. Don’t forget we’re the ones who elected the City Council members, or didn’t vote at all. Maybe next election year you can get all your worthwhile buddies down to the polls to vote against Mr. BYU who lives in the upper Aves and loves his great aunt and her 20 cats just a little too much.
I can’t believe the odd cross section of studios in your issue about local recording studios. Obviously you chose studios of people that know staff at SLUG Mag. If you wanted to highlight the studios that support local musicians and are actually making the majority of the CDs you (barely) hear in Salt Lake, you’ve missed the mark. Andy Patterson sure, he’s been around the scene forever. What about Boho Digitalia, Woodshar and Barking Pig? These are the places local musicians actually go. Counterpoint is booked solid with corporate gigs. No local CDs produced there. Wesley Johnson? Dave Payne? Matt Mateus? No real local CDs produced there. Who even knows who these people are? Your choices of studios to highlight are confusing indeed.
We never claimed our October issue to be “The Comprehensive Guide” to local audio engineers. We included the 14 engineers that we did because they are active contributing members of the local music scene, not just studios that make money off of it. The fact that you don’t know who they are is exactly why we profiled them. Boho Digitalia was initally on our lists however, due to our limited resources and page count we couldn’t highlight everyone this time around. BTW Bruce, update your fucking website! The pics and information on there is at least four-years-old and from a studio that no longer exists. Hell, you could at least add a link to your myspace page—something you do try to update.