Dear Dickheads – April 2007

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Dear Dickheads,
Call me old fashioned but I thought Ogden sucks ass and that it should go fuck its meth infested self. Since when have these assholes taken over all the punk shows and left us with the charred remains of a scene that once was. I hate Ogden and I refuse to drive all the way down there to see a show. I would rather go see an emo show in Salt Lake than to drive all the way there to see an Oi! Show. SO ALL YOU SALT LAKE CITY VENUE OWNERS LOWER YOUR PRICES, BOOK DECENT BANDS, AND STOP BEING PLAYER HATERS! Before you say that I should create my own venue and I should book my own bands like you assholes always do: Instead of bitching why don’t you try to do something rant that you always give people. FYI not everyone is a trust fund kid. Oh and you should get some mag to the Beans and Brews at 5900 s State. Thanks,
Johnny Crystal

Dear Johnny Crystal,
You’re driving DOWN to Ogden? Where are you driving from Johnny, Pocatello?

Are SLC and Ogden really that different anymore? Let me give you an example: I was sitting on my porch last Friday having an afternoon beer when three 17-somethings rambled by in a beat-up white Nissan. As they drove through my street, they cranked up some generic rap, blasted the bass and became bona fide road DJs. If one drive-thru the neighborhood wasn’t enough, the motherfuckers came back and ghost ride the whip to the new Snoop Dogg! These three young bucks put tinfoil on their teeth, banked their bling around and flashed their Nike Air Jordan t-shirts as they danced around and on top of their car.

For those who don’t know what ghost riding the whip is, it is where you drive your car at three to five miles per hour, shift the car into neutral, turn up your music all the way and dance Dance DANCE all around and on top of your car.

What it really comes down to JC, is that you’re an asshole. You’re an asshole because of your bitching about going to see shows. Get your three friends, car pool to the show and fucking ghost ride into town and show those O-Town sucka MC’s what the SLC is all about.