Dear Dickheads,
When a group of kids came longboarding into my store and asked me how to remove an evil spirit from their Ouija board, I had to think about it for a minute. There are so many layers of fractal stupidity inherent to the question that it was impossible not to answer it sarcastically. It seemed incredible to me that a group of teenagers would possess within them the power to behold the forbidden knowledge of the Realm That Lies Beyond, but also tragically lack the necessary training to release a bonded spirit from their service. And why did they think some guy working the counter at a board game store would know about it? It’s not like I can afford to go to wizard college. This is why we can’t have nice things.
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Dear Dickheads – June 2014