mike brown
Mike Brown’s Monthly Dirt: My Bucket List
Whenever there is a prediction that the world is ending, I think about my bucket list—otherwise known as “some shit I want to do before I die.” While researching for this article, I decided to put my actual list on paper and hang it up with some check marks. I realized then that my bucket list is relatively short, which could mean one of two things: I’m either extremely unambitious or extremely content. … read more
Mike Brown’s Monthly Dirt: Things I am Thankful For
Every Thanksgiving, as I begrudgingly sit through another family get-together, a little unofficial tradition unfolds. Usually, my dad starts off by saying something like, “Alright, we are going to go around the table and each say one thing we are thankful for and why.” This leads me to share with you readers some of the things in my life that I am truly thankful for: things that I can’t necessarily share at the dinner table, but that make my already awesome life more awesomer. … read more
Mike Brown’s Monthly Dirt: Halloween Costume Ideas
Oh boy, do I love Halloween. Halloween is one of those holidays when the sluts come out. A good costume can get you laid. This isn’t a column about how to get laid that night, but if you nab a piece because of some of the tips in this article, well then,
you’re welcome. … read more
Mike Brown’s Monthly Dirt: The Original Fucktard
My band, The Fucktards, is nearing 13 years old. Like most bands that have been around over 10 years or so, we’ve changed. Dare I say, “progress”? In the case of The Fucktards, I realize that’s pushing it. These days, a Fucktards show consists of us dressing up stupid, getting beer and other random objects thrown at us and playing the same seven songs over and over again, until we are asked to stop. So, I want this article to give you lucky readers the origins and beginnings of The Fucktards. … read more
Mike Brown’s Monthly Dirt: Arts & Crafts
With the spirit of Craft Lake City bubbling about Salt Lake, I decided to make this article about my own crafting exercises. I am by no means a serious crafter, despite my rich Mormon pioneer heritage being all about it. They were also into polygamy and killing Indians and shit like that, so I don’t really care if I don’t take after my ancestors. … read more
Mike Brown’s Monthly Dirt: Internet Dating: an Interview with Dick...
I have a good friend who started up an eHarmony account a few months ago, and I decided to interview him about his experience. His name is Dick Snot. He is a very intriguing person, and the fact that he went on eHarmony is funny in itself. Dick Snot is very introverted, especially around women. Dick Snot is also incredibly sincere, honest and open. He truly doesn’t give a fuck, but not in that negative punk rock way.
… read more
Mike Brown’s Monthly Dirt: The Weird Shit In My Apartment
I thought that SLUG readers would appreciate a verbal glimpse into my living conditions. When someone comes into my apartment for the first time, they usually seem a bit overwhelmed. Other than the John Stockton shrine that my living room has become, and other miscellaneous Jazz memorabilia adorning the crib, there’s really no method to the chaos. But, as one girl who had never been here before put it, “There’s so much I could Instagram in here!” … read more
Mike Brown’s Monthly Dirt: Natturday!
For those who don’t know, Natturday is the unofficial last day of the year at one of my favorite places on this big stupid Earth, Brighton Resort. Natty Light hosts a beach bash and turns the resort into a tailgate of legendary proportions. The first time I discovered Natturday was a few years ago when I was asked to judge a bikini contest. It was great: I sat there and was fed beers while half-naked girls tried to win stupid prizes by dancing around in the snow. … read more
Mike Brown: Twitter!
One of those amazing digital tools that has affected me personally over the last year has been Twitter. I’ve become obsessed with it as of late, and I have noticed that a lot of my friends completely don’t understand Twitter. The concept is simple, but its appeal might not be. As far as social media goes, it’s kind of like Facebook and MySpace had a one-night stand of intense fucking while their retarded older cousin, Friendster, stood in the corner and watched. … read more
Mike Brown’s Official Guide to Sobriety
This January, I did something I haven’t done in a long time—I got sober. I know what you must be thinking: This had to have been court ordered, right? No. There was no rock bottom, no moment of clarity, no family intervention and no admitting I was powerless over a liquid. It was just a simple New Year’s resolution to do a bit of self-reflection. Who knows, maybe I would save some money, too? … read more
Mike Brown: Skyrim – The Elder Scrolls Have Got Me...
I don’t fuck with my Xbox very often. Our relationship is like that of a Mormon married couple—we go months and months without touching each other. And I’m very particular about what games I want to play. To most people’s surprise, I don’t play NBA 2K12. No, I play those shitty RPG games that nerds who never get laid made famous. The game that currently has me by the balls? Skyrim. … read more
Mike Brown: Occupy NBA
One night while I was balls deep in a sea of Jim Beam and Budweiser at one of my favorite downtown dives, the Jackalope, I was checking my twitter feed, which was flooded with #OccupyWallStreet crap. Then it struck me—I could single-handedly save basketball. #OccupyNBA was born. It was time to take action. … read more
