Authors: Mike Brown
Mike Brown’s Monthly Dirt: Jet Pack Meets Patty The Psychic
Jet Pack’s birthday is this month, so I thought it would be cool to get him a pet psychic reading to see what he would like for his birthday, and pick his brain about some other things, like why he’s been barfing so much lately and where he poops. … read more
Mike Brown: Miss Utah!!!
A few weeks ago, I had the distinct pleasure of interviewing the current Miss Utah. The last time I interacted with a pageant queen was when I was asked to show a former Miss Utah how to skateboard on the live morning local newscast. Needless to say, she ended up eating street on live TV
Mike Brown: My Name is Mike Brown
My name is Mike Brown. It is a plain and boring name. When my parents were initially going to name me, they wanted to name me Matt but decided that was too common of a name. True story.
Mike Brown: The Beer Garden
Apparently, just like actual SLUG readers, IRL slugs are attracted to the sugar in the beer—but they drink too much, get drunk and drown in the beer.
Mike Brown: My Favorite Presidents
This month, I’ve chosen to write about those great men that lead our great country and how they are all great and stuff. These fine men adorn our currency and fuck with it when they are in office. They sometimes act like assholes and are easy targets for everyone to hate, but probably have one of the easiest jobs in the world because other assholes are making the real decisions and doing their job for them.
Mike Brown: New Year’s Resolutions
If I set New Year’s resolutions for myself, I’m just going to fail miserably and hurt my own feelings—and I’m a pretty sensitive guy when I’m sober. So, the only thing I’m changing in 2015 is my underwear. That being said, I came up with some New Year’s resolutions that I would like to see from other people.
Mike Brown: Craft Cocktailing
Mike Brown: Quitting Smoking
Kurt Vonnegut once said that smoking is the only honorable form of suicide. I suppose that opinion is debatable, but then so is bacon, chocolate and Mormonism. Cigs give you cancer, bacon gives you heart attacks, chocolate gives you diabetes, and Mormonism will bore you to death. And if death is inevitable, then doesn’t that mean that we all are just committing suicide a tiny bit each and every day somehow?
Mike Brown: The DI
You can criticize the Mormons all you want. As far as organizations go, they are easy to hate, but you can’t argue with some of the great things they do for the community … and I’m not talking about free cheese. I’m talking about the Mormon-backed retail outlet that draws numerous consumers to its stores every day but Sunday. No, not City Creek. … read more
Mike Brown: Beard Guy
It’s official: I’m now a beard guy. I realized this while I was at work the other day. Another man with a beard commented on my beard, then gave me a compliment for it. I didn’t realize it until after the encounter, but he was expecting some sort of positive reciprocation about his beard. … read more